Never mind the girlfriend thing... Not what I hoped it would be. I cut it off and said we needed to build a friendship first, before anything else. This always happens.. I found out she liked me so I dove in head first and pursued a relationship with her instead of waiting to get to know her, thinking that if I didnt take the chance, someone else would and it would pass me by. But there is some good news out of it all.
Actually it was a good friend of mine that I've been talking to online since October. She brought it up and I finally sat down and really thought about what I was doing to discover it wasn't what I wanted and I just jumped at the chance because I felt so lonely. How bad I've wanted what other people have. I'm so sick of being in the background while everyone else has a special someone..and I've got no one. But now I understand myself and whats going on. And how stupid I was. I'm not downing myself. I just made a mistake. Now I know better.
The thing is, I've fallen for this girl and I've only just realized it in the past few days. I think I know why. She's so sweet and we never run out of things to say. I mean, I could talk to her ALL NIGHT (which I do quite often) and never get bored. The emptiness that I feel so often is gone when I'm talking to her. I've figured out that I don't need a physical relationship or a relationship at all. I just need companionship. It's a friendship that I've only had twice before and both times before, those best friends ditched out on me when they got boyfriends.. But they were people that I never ever EVER got tired of and we were inseperable up to that point and because I had that, I didn't need anything more. I never felt lonely when I had that friendship and I missed it soooo much. To the point it physically hurt me to think about what I lost in them and how terribly bad it cut me when we grew apart.. It's not their fault. I've come to realize that some people just don't hold a friendship so precious like I do.
Here's the big one! I've fallen for a girl in Australia. But it's okay. I like what we have. What we've had since we met. It didn't start out as an "I like you- you like me" thing. It started out merely as "hey. Wanna be friends?" Hell, we've even been role playing since we met. It's actually FUN! But that's besides the point. The point is that I've found that familliar, awesomely fucking awesome bond that I haven't had in years and I missed it so much and it's finally back again and I'm so happy to share that with someone again. Australia or not, I finally know what I've wanted for years now. I finally figured myself out. I wanted that friendship that I had before. It was special to me. And now I've got it and I'm gonna fight tooth, nail and fist for this one. I think I'm saying all this just to make it clear to myself.. And I've succeeded. Definately succeeded.
That's right. I've fallen for a girl in Australia...AND I LOVE IT! AND GUESS WHAT ELSE?!?! SHE LIKES ME TOO! She was waiting for me to say it first. She knew I liked her before I Even knew I liked her!!!
You know what?! ANYONE ELSE WOULD HATE THIS!! BUT THIS IS AMAZING!!! I'm not lonely anymore!!