My mom has always been more than a mom to me. She's been my friend. We've always had a wonderful relationship. We never fight. I never argue with her. She raised me well. I know the difference between right and wrong. I'm good with money. I'm motivated. I know how to work.
She's always been on my side. Through everything. She's always supported my choices. I've done good in school, never got into fights..and if I did, it was for a good cause.
But now, after all the work and all the loneliness, I finally find the girl for me. I finally get what i've wanted for a long time. Someone to spend my life with. To love and care for. I finally feel the emptiness go away and she doesn't want anything to do with it. She doesn't want to know whats going on. How we're doing. Doesn't want to just be happy for me.
She'd rather I just go out and get a boyfriend who treats me like a GIRL and FUCKS ME LIKE A WHORE. I don't understand what the problem is. Why can't she support me now??
I finally find someone who genuinely cares for me and she'd rather not even talk about it. Act like it doesnt even exist.

I've known Hayley since October. Sure. I met her online. Doesn't everybody meet people that way? That's what Myspace was MADE FOR. MAKING FRIENDS! HELLO!!
So yeah. I met her through Myspace. Big deal. Maybe I thought she was just gonna be one of those people that I only talk to a few times and I was just another number. But that wasn't the case.
We would chat over yahoo EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. I loved talking to her. We never ran out of things to say and we still don't. We talked so much that we went out and got mics for the comp so we could stop typing. And her voice amazed me. She's just so out there and different and not from here. This shit-hole. We'd both say words that the other didn't understand and it's awesome having to explain what a twinkie is! XDD And Pop Tarts. Just like her having to explain what Bubbles-n-Squeak is. Then there's slang that neither of us understands when we say it. I had to start calling people knobs after a few of those talks. ROFL!
Point is...We're a country away and there's so much to learn about eachother. Not just that. talking to her was refreshing. A load off my mind. I was happy to sign on and talk the night away with her about ANYTHING. Not even Sex. It was never about sex. NOT ONCE. Over the months we became amazing friends. MAybe there was a little flirting but it was just playful. It was hardly even evident. But she was so sweet and she listended to me. She actually WANTED to know about me. I wanted to know about her and I listened to her. Whether it be about her day at work or something serious and she was troubled with it. I wanted to help.
I was falling in love with our friendship without even knowing it. I didn't feel so lonely anymore. The emptiness was gone. It disappeared without me even knowing it.
I had gotten myself into a tight situation a while back. I got a girlfriend. But I asked her out only because I wanted what everyone else had and I thought tht I found it. But I didn't. A title means nothing. I tried to get to know her, but it seemed like just talking over the phone or even hanging out in person, I couldn't get anything from her. She was so quiet and withdrawn. How can I go out with someone who wont let me in? Or even try to get to know me. As much as I played it up, I was miserable on the inside. But I didn't know it yet. I was fooling myself into thinking I was happy and that I had something special but the truth was that there was nothing there. As much as I wanted there to be. We were hardly even friends.
I sat up one night and Hayley asked how it was going. Telling her I dunno didn't help much. She told me to think about it. How did I really feel. Was it one-sided. Did I have what I wanted in a partner. I did think. I thought long and hard and then I ended it.
I was single again for my birthday. Had a bunch of people over. Those who stayed late enough got to meet Hayley! I wanted her to be part of my party as well. I signed on and introduced her to a few of my friends. Harry stayed the whole night and talked with Hayley and I. It was awesome! I was eating dove chocolates because they're my favorite. They have messages on the inside of the wrapper and I read it off. My wrapper said "Tell someone a secret". So then everyone DID tell a secret...but I couldn't tell mine. Not with Harry around.
He'd just told me that he was interested in her and I wanted to attack visciously attack him for it but he didn't know that. I felt threatened even though I didn't really think I had a chance with her. I still wanted to take that chance. i didn't want anyone to ruin it.

I spilled it when He walked away to charge his phone. There was only a short silence after I told her I had feelings for her. It was the longest silence ever. But the answer was a surprise. She said she liked me too and she was waiting for me to say it first. I wouldn't doubt having said to repeat that. lol
I asked her out on the 21st (22nd there) and she accepted. I'm not sure if I'd ever slept better in my life. I asked her right befre I went to bed and I was probably falling asleep over the phone with her. I stayed up every night talking to her and then tried to keep a day schedule to work with my family and fiends and it was wearin me out...but I was happy.
I'm still happy. I'm about to take a plane to see her in August. I've already bought the ticket and I told my mom that I did. She's furious. There's nothing I can do to make her see that this is real. She wasn't impressed when I showed her the tags that Hayley had made for me. She had it engraved just for me. It's the greatest birthday present ever. I wear it 24/7. I never take it off. Not even in the shower. I'm too attached to sit it across the room from me. She sent me her father's wedding ring. It's very special to her. It fits my finger now. I haven't taken it off since I found out. lol
I'm in love with her. I'm going to see her. I just wish that my mom could be happy for me. I know everyone else is. To all my pals. Jay, Bobby, Harry, Kat. And to all my roomies >> Tiffany, O'Mali.
Thank you for your support. It means the world.
Thank you Hayley, for being my light-house. Without you, I would have never seen through the fog.
Bub, Reno, Ace.. I sure am getting a lot of names. XD